The Last Sapien | a goose story

A Goose Story | You have to listen to this, I could have died from laughter but I am not sure that geese could laugh. So just imagine you human, that if a goose could die from laughter that would be it. This is spring time, my balls are purple as the lady geese will not let me hop on all winter long. Yeah, winter was not so bad this year but they still let me wait. Not sure why humans are about goose liver - my balls are getting three times bigger this time of the year... you got the point - I am an extremely horny goose.

Not sure what my age is in goose years, but who counts, this year I want to be the master breeder of the geese on the banks of the Charles River, this year they will name the Boston Marathon after me . . . Quazee funny (quazee is not a word its a goose thing) I want my goslings to line up from downtown Boston all the way to Hopkinton.

So here it is, I was on that breeding spree working hard on that chick, well goose chick, it was in my sanctuary on the banks of the Charles River. I just felt that today is my day, but it is all going to get even greater.

So, a late April snow covered all trials with a thick white blanket. Runners know how to cope with it but some need to bang their had against a the plywood to get some data stored I guess, or I goose (funny . . .). Well, back to the opening scene I was just about my 'on boarding' ritual when I saw that runner coming too fast to the bridge and after a few steady strong strides the rubber hit the packed snow underneath and sure enough after a funny dance he was face down eating brown snow. ooooh . . . I could have died laughing right there but I was hmmm... on another mission, you see. Just realized that if I want to achieve my goose goal this spring I need to do something greater. With my small 'goose'y brain and I am not the sharpest bill in the flock, I gathered my fellow male geese and placed a bet on which runner would dance the 'brown snow dance' before hitting the ground. All I had to do is pick the right bridge/boardwalk with the most new entree paths from the large apartment complexes they built lately, catching them runners on their first fall - because these humans learn after their first, well I hope for them. Every bet I take brings me another turn on the making, goslings that is. Now, you (you as a goose) know to recognize the humans whom have the brown stain on their one sleeve vs. the other to realize they got to dance early on their run . . . so I would not bet on these, but the sharp looking runners are here to dance for me, this was so quacking funny.

Sure enough I turned the master mind goose of the day. But I have to rest now, I was laughing so hard today I almost forgot that I am so horny, well horny Goose that is...tomorrow them humans say is going to be a bright sunny day - and I have A L O T of work to do.

And hey humans, you need to use more 'qua' expressions in your language, will ya'?