The Last Sapien | a lot of gray

A Lot of Gray | Even the sunset could not take the gray out of today's miserable weather. It started heavy gray with pouring rain, one of these mornings that suck your soul so hard you can't even think of dying. When things are left in the gray area - they are left in a day like today, gloomy and sad. The longing for the sun makes you promise things you never thought you would ever give up. Its the end of the fall in New England, winter is not here yet, this is the in between that you get the short days. When it warms up it is just less cold and when the sun is out you freeze, but I will take it.

We talk about the weather to kill time, to find common ground to get a conversation going so it takes off from there, where everyone feels that they can rant about something you mutually agree upon. Today would not be one of them, not for me.

Trying to make things that will bring some colors to the uncertainty. Like 'the things', I am also left in the gray of job seekers' world, feeling as if not once you are a thing that is thrown a label on that sends you no where, like an abandoned package left outside in the cold and the rain awaiting someone to notice that it is there. Soaking wet being picked up, dried and returned to sender as the need is gone. You speak with gray people that use fake backgrounds on their screens, handle a gray conversation and you wonder when will this all change. Looking for real things with true meanings and colors too. The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer a superlative, you need it like a light deprived creature.

On days like this I binge on comedy store sketches posted on YouTube, trying to ignite some spark for the day, as if going down hill with a stalled engine, you cough a laugh until it becomes real, and then you get the pistons running, until you feel that there is some traction, you manage to move forward some more, planting hope, realizing that a few rays of sun managed to get through the thick of the gray and even managed to glare at you to the point you need to close your eyes, but you keep them wide open letting the light in, erasing the bad thoughts and conserve some for yet another gray day to come, it is not winter's white yet . . .